Helping someone else’s dog: when do you say no?
There must be something in the air. I got a call Wednesday night, a little after 9:30–late enough that I was concerned that a family member was sick or dead. The woman at the other end of the line seemed to think I should know who she was. I’m acquainted with the woman who gave the caller my phone number–she’s a member of our local Cavalier play group–but this woman was a stranger to me. After giving me a convoluted explanation about how she got her Cavalier and how pretty she was, etc., she announced that she was an alcoholic and had to go into treatment the next day. Could I find someone to take her dog for her or take the dog myself for three months?
To say that I was dumbfounded is putting it mildly. Now, I’m a pleaser, I hate saying no to people, and I always want to help if I can, but the thought of taking in an unknown dog–even a Cavalier–with an owner who sounded unbalanced at best; well, I just didn’t really see any good ending to that.
I told her I didn’t have the resources to help her place the dog on such short notice and that I wasn’t in a position to take the dog myself. I gave her the phone number of someone at Cavalier rescue and wished her luck.
Those of you who are Facebook friends are no doubt familiar with last month’s
Winston, one of last month's foster dogs
OccupyCavalier postings, in which I shared the experience of fostering two Cavaliers for a few weeks until they were placed in new homes. But I had background information on those dogs, I had Cavalier Rescue as backup if I had problems, and I didn’t have to worry about paying for any veterinary bills on top of my own two dogs’ care.
I still felt bad about saying no to her, so I asked fellow dog writers if they ever faced this type of situation. Of course they did, and usually they handled it the same way. One person said that “sometimes” shelters will work with people in this type of situation.
The woman called back the next morning, wanting to know what was going to happen with her dog. When I reminded her that I had given her the phone number of Cavalier rescue, she said she hadn’t been able to get in touch with them. I recommended that she look into long-term boarding for the dog.
Later in the day, the woman who had given her my phone number called. She was apologetic. “I only gave her your number because I’m in the hospital and didn’t have access to information about how she could contact Cavalier rescue. I certainly didn’t expect that you would be able to take her dog.” She hadn’t been able to take the woman’s dog, either. As it turns out, she had previously rescued another dog from this person and he had turned out to be quite fearful. She says this other dog is the same way.
I still wish I’d had a better answer for her. But that perfect world isn’t here yet. What would you have done?
5 Comments to “Helping someone else’s dog: when do you say no?”
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I would have done exactly what you did, Kim.
Boy, Kim, that’s tough. I’d also be concerned about liability, taking in someone else’s dog like that, especially given how unstable she seemed to be. I doubt that even having something in writing would have been reliable.
We all need to know what our limits are and listen to our instincts, like you did.
OTOH- I did do it once, through someone I knew. We kept a GSD for a week or so that she had rescued from a really, seriously bad situation (filth, drugs, etc.)until she could find a real foster home. Nice dog. Spent his days on a tie down on our patio and penned up at night. But he had no issues, just needed decent food. And it wasn’t going to be some weird open-ended thing, either. She found him an awesome home in the countryside, so a happy ending.
You did the right thing; nay, probably dodged a bullet.
Someone was trying to pull you into her specific bowl of crazy. Unless you want to be played with by someone who runs hot and cold — adopt out the dog, no he’s MY dog, I want him back now, can’t you just keep him for two weeks more, who told you you could cut his hair, he didn’t have that ear infection when he came to you …
You get the picture.
Rescues protect themselves with pre-relinquishment screening / counseling and clear-cut relinquishment contracts. Even so, I have had to be crystal clear with some relinquishing owners that no, when the dog is rehabbed, they do NOT have the option of getting her back all fixed! (This is not a free board & train service.)
The self-created emergency YOU have to help me now call is an attempt to breach your boundaries with the dog’s welfare (which you are presumed to value more urgently than the owner does). You are meant to feel guilty for maintaining those boundaries.
Sometimes it’s possible for a third party to keep tabs, so that if the dog ends up at the pound, you can swoop in, or have rescue do so, and take custody free & clear and get the dog into the foster that is appropriate for him.
I’m a slow learner; it took two rounds of this with a family member before I learned to be a heartless b* on the subject of the cat–who in fact wound up living out her life in safety and comfort with the people who twice suckered me into frantically looking for a new home for her to save her from being put down.
I had this happen to me a few years back. Different breed. There are times I’ve taken in an emergency rescue for foster and placement, but not a will you take care of my dogs for several open ended months. I said no.